Mental abuse and guilty treats

Well, as I figure out what to do with a week off from work, which was supposed to be spent with my DH on our sailboat but then I chickened out with what happened during the week that made me realise that  on terra firma I can escape, but on water, in a 30' boat ... not so good.   So, I’ve got too much time on my hands (wanna listen to some music while you read the rest … then click on this LINK ) and I've decided to finally get back to what I love to do, put my thoughts down to save my sanity and amuse whoever reads this.

I’ve been abit out of social media, especially in the #DOC this year.  It’s mainly due to my Mum bidding adieu to the world in January, spending much needed  time with my Dad, and at the same time trying to do my best to repair a marriage that’s been going downhill for the past 10 years.  Believe it or not, one of the biggest factors that had caused problems in our 30 years together that I only found out about in 2017?

*** F_ING DIABETES ***

Sadly, he feels I spend too much time on it.   Good for me though, since starting insulin pump therapy back in 2007,  I was offered work at various websites, discovered  the Diabetes Online Community (#DOC), and life I thought was good.  Along with many other issues that can affect anyone's relationship,  I’m taking slow steps to venture out on my own.  It's a bit scary, now with compromised eyesight from the cataract surgery last year that I've written about, but it's time to open the door to new experiences, even at my age when retirement is just around the corner.  I know I'm stronger than I think but it'll just take time with what's been going on over the years that pushed me into doubting my sanity.

So, that’s my life in a nutshell … I’m still alive and kicking – despite a failed attempt at suicide back in April with over dosing insulin when I just couldn’t take it anymore (seeking help when usually it's you who is helping others made me feel silly, but they helped me understand that my situation demanded help).  I’ve had a few moments since then, but am hanging on as best as I can as I rediscover myself.

On to a good subject to end this blog that was difficult to sit down and write  … this will leave a sweet taste in your mouth.   I discovered last week, when I was in Ottawa at Costco, getting yes, my cheaper diabetes … these delightful little sweet treats to have with my café that you see below ! 

Yes, palm leaf pastries!  Even better they are made with butter, which is rare when you find commercially prepared ones where other fats are used.  The last time I had a true butter one was in Spain, and it just melted in my mouth.  Well, this ones do too, and they’re the perfect portion size to not overdue it if you’re watching your calories or carbohydrates.  One of these little pastries rings in a 60 calories, and 9 grams of carbs.  Perfect for my almost low carb meal plan (I try to aim for less than 120 grams a day … most of the time it’s less depending on what I eat).  With abit of cheese on the side to balance things out, it’s a great way to start off my day!

So, if you’re looking for them here in Canada (sorry my American friends) … check out Sweet Creations  to find out where you can purchase them besides Costco … and be prepared to fall in love! 

Where to start?

I am typing this out with one eye that is presently seeing 20/20 while the other I see nothing through my centre vision, it’s a hazy veil, and my peripheral vision, is webs of blood, etc.  

Once again, cataract surgery that I had last summer has reared its ugly head.  It is most likely due to the 2^nd surgery done last October, to correct a problem in one of the lenses that the ophthalmologist had not been able to insert properly in the beginning (previous blogs explain it all).  Monday comes around (Family Day here in Ontario where everything is closed), with less than a week before seeing him, for follow up, I started to see a lot of floaters, which are blood bits which originally I thought were tiny flies due to a new rose plant I’d been given for Valentine's Day.  Along with these dots, webs, flashes of light in the peripheral vision of that eye ... I thought "fruitcake" what's happening now (if I could turn back time is playing through my head alot over these past 6 months).

Of course, things go through your noggin as you search Dr. Google.  Is it retinopathy finally rearing it’s ugly head after 50+ years of having Type 1 diabetes?  Am I having a stroke (my Mum, had one back in December that caused her to lose her eyesight in one eye)?  Am I developing perhaps a 3^rd eye?

Joking aside, after making a call to see my ophthalmologist here, I’ve found what I figured it was via Dr. Google.  Posterior Vitreous Detachment or PVD. It’s common as we age, doesn’t cause blindness, yadda, yadda, yadda.  The 2^nd cataract surgery, where I felt very uncomfortable to the point of puking, which I didn’t get with the original surgery, was due to the surgeon giving the eyeball a good workout as he placed the another lens into the eye.  My personal opinion, not that the surgeon will probably admit it, is that 2^nd surgery most likely put a lot of strain on the vitreous which surrounds your eyeball.  You can read more about it if you wish from the link above that explains it all very well.

“ PVD itself is not a sign of a disease or eye health problem “

I like that above statement, since I am now looking out of one good eye, and trying my best to wait for the blobs, haziness to disappear, which they say can take up to 6 months and sometimes longer.  I am trying to make myself feel better by saying that at least the retina hasn’t detached, things could be worse.  The things we folks do with various health problems say to ourselves to stay sane.  What me sane???

Again, as my previous blogs have stated with my saga of cataract surgery … 

DO NOT HAVE IT DONE IF IT IS NOT NECESSARY!! 

Also, don't have both eyes done at the same time as a precaution against possible problems.  I would not have to be dealing with this if I’d just listened to my inner gut saying not to do it and my Mum too.

Rosina Kiff - 1935 - 2018 and me, Ann(a) Kiff >^,,<

Life as a Podder Chapter Deux

Well, with the approach of  the New Year I decided to go back to my Animas Vibe after having  issues with the Omnipod in my leg as well as dislike of the PDM (more on that at end).  My legs are an occasional place that I put my infusion sets in but I never had blood sugar results like I was having with the pod … high high high (my meaning of a “high” is anything above 12 mmol/l  or 324 mg/dl ).  Compared to where I had placed the Pod in other areas of my body over the month … it rarely went over except when I didn’t either bolus properly for food, etc.  So obviously, my legs with the plastic cannula … just do not work.  As you can see by the assorted pics below, with the 2^nd pod placement … with what looks like watered down blood … maybe the infusion set wasn’t placed quite right, but the window that you can view the placement of the infusion set, is pretty well impossible to see if things are okay. 

I guess my other thing with going back to the Vibe, is the simplicity of changing the suggested amount of insulin, either with using a different ISF or I:C ratio in the calculations that Animas programming allows you to do (see photos below when I'd decided enough is enough with the Omnipod).  The Omnipod PDM doesn't allow you to do this, along with extra steps to see what IOB you have onboard, tick tock tick tock ... my time is precious.  On the Animas below you can change the suggested amount to bolus based on the calculations of the “set” ISF and/or I:C ration.  To give Omnipod at least a run for it's money, I tried and tried with both user manual and forum groups to figure it this was possible … but nope – not doable.  I have a feeling the Omnipod PDM programming is abit on the “basic” side, and more for the person who perhaps doesn’t want to go outside of what the program in the PDM allows you to do.  Probably for the safety of the user, but not all of us follow the rules.  This has been my way of controlling my diabetes over the past 40+ years since leaving the next of home as a teenager.

 I was finding too that when I was really high with the Omnipod … like really high … DKA possibility … that correcting with an insulin injection, based on my calculations (this is what I do when I’m on MDI … using either my noggin’ and or calculator to determine amount of insulin to inject) … would bring me down much faster.  Otherwise, putting that large glob of insulin via the Pod was almost like putting water into me.  Even with doing a split shot of the amount over ½ hour … it just didn’t work well.

Plus, again, that friggin’ huge PDM (yes the clip pouch I was given, more bulkier than a tubed pump IMHO).  I found in the beginning of the months trial as a Podder, that when I was needing to bolus quickly, I often was going to my waistband, where I usually keep my Animas.  

One thing that I did do by accident during the trial run, near the end ... due to how itchy the pod was on my skin, and that was only at the end of Day 1 (this was the only time I had irritation with the pod) . Because I didn't want to lose the insulin left in the pod (would Omnipod have replaced the pod because of that???) ... I stuck it out.  By the time came to remove it, by accident, when placing a new pod in place, without thinking ... I REMOVED A NEWLY INSTALLED SENSOR FOR MY DEXCOM!!!  I broke down at that point, and my hubby gently reminded me it was not the end of the world removing the CGM by accident.  Because I pay out of pocket for the Dexcom, it meant I went for 6 days without the CGMS.  And even now, as I write this, I'm taking a break from the Dexcom so I'm not out of pocket ... but I do miss the CGM the most for staying in the right range I like of blood sugars.

What has me abit miffed, and not just with Omnipod, but also Medtronic.  That the devices they are offering Animas users sort of like “old stock” to be able to make a profit I expect (in Medtronics case they are offering us the MiniMed 630g ( see this link  https://www.medtronicdiabetes.ca/minimed-630g ) .  I recently came across an article about the Omnipod Dash System (read more at these links https://diatribe.org/insulet-omnipod-dash-system-to-add-touchscreen-and-bluetooth and https://forum.fudiabetes.org/t/omnipod-q3-earnings-call-dash-pdm-update/2576 ).  The Dash was expected out in the 2017, but it’s set to launch sometime in 2018.  So, for any Animas users that are getting the “free” PDM offer (which is what I went for) … you’d probably want to upgrade to that, but at what COST is my big question.  I just know that my fingers got split with pushing those darn buttons on the PDM (doesn't help with the cold weather we've been experiencing that's not normal at this time of the year and lack of humidity).  I found it easier to use if I  kept some of my finger nails longer, in order to ease up on bloody thumbs/fingers.  It was abit annoying since I like to keep my claws clipped.

So, that’s it in a nutshell.  I’ll be heading out on holidays for almost 3 weeks, and bringing along both insulin pump systems (yes, have carry on – you can travel with all your medical crap <lol>).  I’ll also be bringing my pen needles, using Fiasp and Levemir as my insulins of choice for control.  Last time I went on a 3 week trip, all I used was MDI, sans CGM (I’m on fence post right now with bringing CGM for this holiday due to the space it takes up for souvenirs <lol>).

See you sometime in February and thanks Boss’s for letting me off the hook for abit of much needed down time from work!

NB:  Remember, my trial with the Omnipod may vary from yours.  So while I may not like it, doesn't necessarily mean you won't.  I've heard through the grapevine that Omnipod is offering the deal up to March now, rather than the end of December.  If you've ever wanted to know what it is like to pump insulin without any tubes, I'd say give it a try.  Perhaps your experience will be much better than mine has been.